The Food Snob

I have a confession to make: I’m a food snob.

Not in the gourmet sense, but in the healthy sense. I think that processed foods are evil, genetic modification is terrifying and sugar is nature’s prostitute; it feels good at the time, but it’s just screwing you in the end.

I can’t be so hypocritical as to pretend I never eat these things. I am as prone to temptation as the next man – especially when I have PMS – and I have certainly eaten my fair share of Ben & Jerry’s, Green & Black’s and Mike & Ikes.

I do, however, try to indulge only as a treat rather than on a daily basis.

Doesn’t it sound noble? In reality, if I eat too much sugar my eczema kicks into overdrive. My skin starts peeling off at the hairline, leaving raw pink patches around my face that are almost as attractive as the white flakes that start to surface in my eyebrows. Hot, I know.

And, by the way…it’s itchy as hell.

Since I have a limited tolerance for sugar, not to mention bad drivers and people with no common sense, food can be an adventure. Take grocery shopping and something as seemingly benign as a can of corn. Now, riddle me this:

Why does the ingredient list for Hannaford Whole Kernel corn include sugar, yet that of Hannaford Crisp and Sweet corn does not?

Why do some brands of canned red kidney beans contain sugar?

When is it ever necessary to feed children – or anyone else, for that matter – cereal that contains 15 grams of sugar per serving? I’m not talking total carbohydrates here. I’m talking straight sugar. And keep in mind that’s one serving (3/4 cup). Who eats just one serving of cereal?

By the way, there is less sugar in one serving of Double Stuf Oreos.

Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about. Dessert marketed as breakfast. Probably not a good thing, but anything to make a buck, right?

Okay, I’m getting all worked up. Focus. What was I saying? Oh, right. Hidden sugar.

Processed sugar is literally in almost everything, from spaghetti sauces and breads to soy milks and salad dressings.

It’s enough to make you feel betrayed. Fortunately for me, I’m just sick enough that I see it as some kind of game. Me against “them”. How healthy can I eat when the powers that be are doing their darndest to poison me?

See? Paranoia can be healthy.

Sort of.


4 responses to “The Food Snob

  1. Whenever my kids spend the night at someone’s house or when we go on vacation they’re always super stoked to eat their cereal. People ask if our cereal is yummy and my kids say sadly,”No, it’s healthy”. Complain all they want, they have never had a cavity and they love foods a lot of kids have never had the chance to try! It’s craziness what folks eat, and even crazier what they give to their kids!

    • Good for you! Your kids will thank you for it later. I’m very grateful now that my mom made sure we had balanced meals and kept the soda and junk out of the house when we were kids.

  2. I’m a food snob like you (LOVE Michael Pollan). My family grew our own veggies and we were vegan for a few years when I was a kid and as hard as it was sometimes, I’m thankful for it today! Although there wasn’t as much crap out there in the late 80s. I treat processed foods like the plague, it’s ridiculous what they put into our foods! But I do indulge once in a while. Everything in moderation, right? I just make sure it doesn’t have HF corn syrup or soy in it, I can’t digest processed soy very well. Ouch!

  3. spoonfulofsugarfree

    Ha! Totally my point!!!! And what drives me insane is when I talk to some people who eat this stuff, tell them what’s really in it, and some of them just say, “whatever, it tastes good.”

    Well so does homemade fruit crisp with NO added sugar!!!!

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