Baby Purgatory

T and I have been married for almost a year and a half. It is the first marriage for both of us and we don’t have any children (yet).

I am not, and have never been, a “kid-person”, but our state of childlessness can still be difficult for me at times. Especially as I recently turned 35, my husband is deployed, and I seem to be living in what I have christened, “Baby Purgatory”.

During the past 18 months, there have been 11 pregnancies at my workplace, my sister-in-law delivered my niece, my three cousins and their spouses have birthed two babies and conceived two more, and let’s not even go into the Dr. Spock forum that is Facebook. And then there is the genre that is swelling more rapidly than a second trimester belly: the Mommy Blog.

I’m practically drowning in amniotic fluid over here. All of this can definitely make me feel like the Lone Ranger. My ovaries – I’m assuming – still occasionally creak out an egg with dry pop and a puff of smoke, but with a husband who is several continents away…it doesn’t seem to matter much.

Meanwhile, new and seasoned mommies alike are uploading adorable pictures and relating loveable anecdotes via every social media medium known to man.

Then again, they are also tweeting their tiredness, blogging their boredom, and Facebooking way, waaay too many details. (Please, please believe me when I say that no one on your Friend list wants to know whether your mucus plug is still intact, your kid has shat his meconium, or that your nipples are chafing. They just don’t.)

Clearly, motherhood is not all funny lines and poses.

With this in mind, and to help me feel better about not (yet) having small hands to hold, curious minds to mold and – most of all – an excuse to reread my Ramona Quimby books, I have compiled the following list of things I still totally dig about not having kids: 

  • My house is blissfully quiet.
  • I can sleep past 6:00 a.m. on weekends.
  • When I get home from work, I can take a nap if I want to.
  • T and I still have two incomes.
  • When T is here, I get him all to myself.
  • When T calls, I don’t have to share the phone.
  • I don’t have to learn to change a diaper yet.
  • I don’t have people giving me unwanted advice on pregnancy, childbirth, breastfeeding or childrearing.
  • I can finish my grocery shopping in under a half hour.
  • I never knew – or cared – what meconium was until very recently.
  • T and I can go out to dinner, see a movie or go hiking without having to find a babysitter.
  • I don’t have to worry about my child’s safety or happiness.
  • When someone else’s child is screaming, I can walk out of the store.
  • I have had a lot longer to watch and learn from others’ successes or mistakes.
  • I can go pee with some degree of privacy (not counting Jackie and Owen, who both feel the need to follow me into the bathroom).
  • I’ve never – that I recall – posted anything about bodily functions on Facebook.
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6 responses to “Baby Purgatory

  1. I love you for this post. Seriously.

  2. AMEN! We are living the child-free lifestyle and don’t have plans to change that any time soon. I’m probably asked once a month when we’re going to have kids. I get the impression that as an Army wife there’s some magical quota of children I need to pop out. I don’t get it. Although, it’s funny because the people who always ask when we’re going to have kids are the ones who have bags under their eyes, food on their shirt, and greasy hair in a ponytail. They seem so stressed out and a shell of themselves. Not exactly a walking endorsement for what they’re selling.

  3. “I’m practically drowning in amniotic fluid…” I know how you feel :)

  4. To add a comment to the others….it could be “misery loves company”. Never have kids because of pressure from others. You do it because you want them and for no other reason. Otherwise, you probably won’t make a great parent, so why bring more of “those” type of children into the world.

  5. As a newly annointed member (offender?) of the mommy blogosphere I think it does have to do with the ‘misery loves company.’ we are encouraging all of our babyless friends to have kids just so they’ll hang out with us again! Babies are great and everything but they clearly put a serious serious cramp on your social life. (well if your the mom. If your the dad you just keep doing what you were doing). It’s freakin awesome. That’s what I keep telling myself :-)

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