The Fourth Judge

I love “Dancing With The Stars” for two reasons:

1. It has to do with dancing.

2. I can be judgemental and not feel guilty about it.

When T is home, he and I watch the show together. During this deployment, he missed most of Season 10 and now he’s missing Season 11. (Have I mentioned that I’m ready for him to come home?)

To help keep him caught up, and for the sake of hearing myself talk, here is my expert based-on-almost-no-formal-dance-experience recap of Episode 1:

Audrina Patridge/Tony Dovolani (19/30)

Because she was first and because I am a chronically late person, I missed Audrina’s cha-cha. My neighbors informed me that she “looked like a pro already”, so I was sort of sorry I didn’t get to see it. Especially since the cha-cha-cha is one of my favorite dances.

Kurt Warner/Anna Trebunskaya (19/30)

Another football player and he fits the mold: athletic but not especially graceful. He made his Viennese waltz look smooth despite some awkward arm movements. Fairly forgettable, though.

Kyle Masse/Lacey Schwimmer (23/30)

I was so distracted by Lacey’s new and so-not-her blonde hair that I didn’t see much of Kyle’s cha-cha. What I did see was energetic and fun and the kid’s got an infectious laugh. I hope he sticks around.

Rick Fox/Cheryl Burke (22/30)

Tall Kym Johnson usually gets the big guys, but this time it was tiny Cheryl Burke. Cheryl had special 4″ heels made so that the top of her head almost reached Rick’s pectorals. Not sure that extra 1/2″ did a lot to even out their height difference, but I thought Rick did a great job of not stooping to compensate. His frame was wonderful – so important in the Viennese waltz – and I hope he stays because I really want to see this dude dance the jive. Now that would be entertainment.

Margaret Cho/Louis Van Amstel (15/30)

Not three minutes into the intro, Louis was already holding his first therapy session with Margaret. Apparently, she stopped taking ballet lessons after someone called her fat. After that I lost interest.

Brandy/Maksim Chmerkovskiy (23/30)

I expected Brandy to dance well and she did not disappoint. Her Viennese waltz was beautiful. I could have done without the post-score squealing and jumping up and down, though.

Bristol Palin/Mark Ballas (18/30)

Poor Bristol Palin looked absolutely terrified during her cha-cha cha. There were spots where her potential came through and she got into the dance, but then she seemed to remember where she was and what she was doing and she lost momentum. Mark was forced to dance around a frozen partner several times. She gave a commendable effort, but I think the judges were a tad generous with straight 6’s.

Florence Henderson/Corky Ballas (18/30)

Do they call Corky in just to dance with the old ladies? I’d love to see what he could do with a younger dance partner. Florence is very real and likable and, best of all, she’s not Cloris Leachman. She did okay for a 76-year-old attempting a cha-cha-cha, but ultimately, I don’t think she can hang.

Michael Bolton/Chelsie Hightower (16/30)

I’m inclined to give Michael Bolton a break because he looks so much like my grandfather, but in reality his shoulders were hunched and he spent a lot of time scurrying to keep up with Chelsie. If he can’t keep up on the Viennese waltz, what’s he going to do with the quickstep? (By the way, is it me, or are there a lot of old people on this season? My neighbors and I were wondering if Season 11 is being sponsored by the AARP.)

Mike Sorrentino/Karina Smirnoff (15/30)

Only an Italian could be this cocky. He goes by the handle “The Situation” and constantly shows his abs. With only five days to prepare, his cha-cha lacked content and was pretty lame. The judges were hard on him, but I think he needed to get the mickey taken out of him. To his credit, he handled it well. Oh, and Len already procured the best line of the season:

The Situation: Did I tell you you’re wearing a nice suit?

Len Goodman: Thank you. Did I tell you, you’ve got the guns but no ammunition?

Jennifer Grey/Derek Hough (24/30)

Jennifer and Derek turned in a beautiful performance with their flowing Viennese waltz. Too bad Carrie Ann had to ruin it with her theatrical sniveling about how she was so moved. Sometimes I think she forces it.

David Hasselhoff/Kym Johnson (15/30)

The Knight Rider days are over. So, so, so over. The Hoff’s cha-cha wasn’t bad, but it did border on creepy at times. I think he tried hard, but Carrie Ann was right when she said he danced more with his mouth than his body.

My pick to go home this week: The Hoff

Who actually went home: The Hoff

Woo! I’m one for one!

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3 responses to “The Fourth Judge

  1. The Hoff creaps me out. Always has, always will. His is on the same acting level as Tom Cruise. HORRIBLE. Stop trying so hard. It isn’t Acting 101 at school.

  2. I DVRed the episode and I missed Audrina’s dance, too. I was bummed!

  3. Oh this is a fun post! I love DWTS too! I missed last season but am excited for this one. I haven’t watched the results show but I figured he went home. Do you have twitter?? We could tweet while watching! LOL! I always text my sister while we watch So You Think You Can Dance but she doesn’t watch this show…

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