I wouldn’t call it Writers’ Block. I have plenty of ideas and lots of thoughts to share. I still adore writing. Yearn for it, actually.
I wouldn’t say I’ve lost interest in blogging or in social media. I maintain a curiosity for what others have to say and I feel a thrill of creativity when I think of the possibilities.
It’s not – exactly – that I don’t have time, though time certainly is an obstacle. A daunting obstacle for one who works full-time (among various other commitments) and has a forty minute commute on either end of the work day. Still, it’s not, I suppose, an insurmountable problem for one who has the proper motivation.
No, instead I’d say that I’m suffering from a kind of soul ache. Some people might call it depression, but it’s not – exactly – depression.
I’m tired. Not physically tired, but spiritually exhausted. I find lately that I don’t have it in me anymore to furiously race against the clock just so that I have a couple of hours left at the end of the day to devote to a blog post. The very thought makes me weary.
This all came on fairly suddenly, and so I have to ask myself, Why? What’s different? More importantly, What’s the solution?
Do I need to narrow the focus of my blog? Since T’s been back from The Stan, it feels less like a MilSpouse blog and more like an EverythingUnderTheSun blog.
Or – and I keep coming back to this – do I resign from the blogging world entirely and focus on a larger, more cohesive piece of writing? Maybe. I’ve always wanted to do that and, most unfortunately, I don’t have the time to do both.
Somehow, though, the thought of giving up my blog hurts me. I love my blog and I’ve put a lot of time and effort into it. I adore the people I’ve met through blogging and am grateful for the connections I’ve made. I revel in checking for comments and, of course, in reading my Odd Blog Searches.
How can I give all of that up? I know cutting the cord is always painful, but that it’s often required to move on. I just don’t know that I can do it. Yet, here my blog sits like a virtual orphan.
That hurts me, too, but I need some time to think.
So, on the advice of a friend, I’m taking a blogging sabbatical. You may see me around now and again. I reserve the right to post an occasional entry, should The Muses be kind. But I suspect I will be largely absent for at least a month or two.
I need some time away from belly shots and memes. I need to re-learn how to think in threads longer than 140 pithy characters. I need to rout the words seriously, totally and like from my vocabulary. I need to stop believing that the interverse needs to know my every thought milliseconds after it flashes across my consciousness. I need to know that I can be clever without being critical.
I need a soul vacation.